I became best friends with the guys at Sherwin Williams Thursday, and I’d like to resign that position. Effective immediately.

Nothing against them. They were nothing but professional and courteous, if not a little amused.

Some of you know, sports writing is a part time gig for me in this current season of life. My husband (hereby referred to as the contractor) and I have three small children, and my full time job consists mostly of breaking up fights before there is bloodshed and saying outlandish things like, “Esben, please don’t lick the screwdriver,” and “Esben, where did you get that knife?!” and “Gabe, we do not use tigers as weapons,” over and over and over.

Oh, and laundry. So much laundry.

I digress. Being married to the contractor also comes with some other duties as assigned, one of which is being the company gopher. Now, I grew up being the farm kid gopher, so running around grabbing things I don’t know everything about is nothing new for me.

Neither is getting it all wrong on the first try. That’s how I became friends with two guys at Sherwin Williams. I made three trips in the space of an hour to our local paint store, getting all the wrong things first and needing two additional trips to rectify the first. By the end of that hour, I told them I was really tired of seeing them.

Maybe “best friends” is a stretch. I don’t even know their names. Pretty sure they know mine, though.

Anyway, I’d like to resign. Not as the contractor’s wife, or as the meet referee for the sibling throwdowns. Just the forced friendships with strangers because I don’t know what I’m talking about. Anyone know where the HR office is for a sole proprietorship?